pEriPhEraL_tHOugHtS

Camnilaa idop aku.. AKu dah takde sape dah dalam dunia ni. Bila Tuhan amek nenek aku gi (13/05/11 - Friday. 4:57pm), apsal la tinggal aku?

Nenek aku best ar.. rasenyer InsyaAllah die okay kot.. Cam relax je muka dia time kebumi tu. Kalu aku, mesti hampeh.. Yelaa, sumer orang mesti buat parti bila aku gi..

Aku still tak paham la. Tuhan tak suka aku, tapi wujudkan aku gak.. Or memang setengah orang.. nasib dia dijadikan coz takkan la dalam dunia ni org baik je.. mestila ade orang hampeh gak. Karang neraka kosong la. Hmm.. Teori aku: sebelum sorang tu lahir lagi Tuhan dah tau dia tu nanti end up kat heaven ke kat hell.. Gila bapak sedey gitu. Setengah orang lahir lucky siot! Some pulak idop cam sial.. bila doa, tak dapat pun makbul.. suruh usaha, dah usaha.. tapi tak pernah jadi2 gak.

Aku mana ade mintak manyak pun.. normal stuff. Takde pun aku mintak tetibe besok bangun jadik trillionaire ke hape. AKu mintak ade org sayang (normal la kan diri kita manusia ni nak org sayang - salah sangat ke? teruk sangat ke? dosa sangat ke aku mintak ade org sayang? Apsal aku ni tak layak langsung?? jahat sangat ke?), aku mintak biarlaa dapat kerja elok.. murah rezeki.. Itupun takleh gak.. nak kata tak usaha? bape ribu kali aku mintak keja? aku pun dah lost count. tak dapat2 gak..

AKu benci gila idop aku. aku benci gila aku still kat sini. Kalau aku ni atheist, mesti aku dah bunuh diri skrg. aku nak look on the bright side pun memang takde bright side dah.. sume gelap je ha.. memang no hope langsung idop ni.

bebel aje.. Favourite activity die: thinks the WORSE of me.. Why dont you just FUCK OFF!! Ko ingat anak2 ko yang lain tu baik sangat? Ko ingat ko tu dulu baik sangat?? HEY SIAL, the moment ko hentak kepala aku kat dinding coz ko tuduh menda yang aku tak buat langsung, bagi aku ko tu bukan mak aku lagi dah tau! Ko tak suka aku, kenapa ko tak buang je aku waktu lahir dulu? apsal ko sengaje nak seksa aku?! Lagi bagus ko gugurkn je aku before lahir. kan senang.. ko takyah deal ngan aku and vice versa. Ni aku free2 je dpat dosa sebab tak suka ko. Adik2 lain, tak kisah la diaorg macam sial ke tak.. semuanyer Takpe.. semuanyer Okay..Kalau aku~ kalau boleh, ko nak aku la orang pertama masuk neraka, betul kan?!
Senang citer camnilaa, aku suke ko sebanyak mana ko suke aku.. which is 0%!

Penatla hidup.. tapi nak mati, takut.. Isy, kan best kalau tak pernah lahir pun. takde dosa, takyah risau.. syoknyer kalau tak pernah wujud.. Tiap2 ari, the thoughts of nak teruskan lagi.. buat aku rase penat sangat.. sebab seriously aku rase hidup aku ni pointless.. buat sesak bumi je ha.

Seriously, ape guna Tuhan jadikan aku ni?? SERIOUSLY!
Macam mana pikir pun, tak dapat nampak ape kegunaan aku ni ade kat dunia.

Family macam sial. Adik2 aku sorang pun tak pernah ingat aku ni kakak diaorg. Bagi diaorg, aku ni yang paling bodoh and memang patut tak wujud pun sebab bagi malu je. Sumer yang lain perfect.. tau2 ntha la mana sesat budak bangang and hodoh ni selamba je ade wujud kat sini. Yang aku tau, nyusahkan orang, abihkan duit. kalau pandai, takpelaa jugak. ni tak, Bodoh ya amat! Lembab, penakut, BUROK! kalau bodoh tapi cantik.. at least, boley maafkan lagilaa. Ni.. huh, gemuk kalah tong dram. tak sedar diri lak tu! muka cam kuih pau tu. gemuk gedempol. ey.. kira bila tengok memang sakit ati la!
Oklaa, rupa buruk and bodoh tapi perangai baik.. still bley terima jugak.. yelaa, cam dalam citer tu.. buruk but ati baik so org boley la tumpang kesian. Ini, perangai pun cam sial. ADE ati nak manja2 ngan orang!! tak sedar diri betul la aku ni.. Orang sebenarnyer meluat tengok muka aku yg cam sial ni. haha.. senyum? tolonglaa wahai diriku yang masih tak sedar2 diri ni.. ko tau tak orang sebenarnyer menyampah tengok muka pecah umah ko tu tau tak?
SERIOUSLY, ape yang aku boley buat? NOTHING! takde ape yang spesel langsung. ni dah umur tua bangka pun still duduk ngan mak bapak menghabiskan duit.
Kerja pun bangang.
bila pikir2 balik? kenapa aku ade kat dunia?
Aku rasekan.. with all due respect la.. Tuhan sebenarnyer jadikan aku ni so that orang lain boleh feel good about themselves. Yelaa, ko amek la SESAPE pun dalam dunie ni.. kalau diaorg bandingkan diri diaorang ngan diri aku yang tak berguna ni.. diaorg ngan bangganyer boley cakap. 'hey, at least aku tak macam orang tu'. Hoho.. so mungkin itula role aku..
Kejam ke? tapikan.. kita semua ni kan ke Dia punyer? so, kut sukati la kan Dia nak tetapkan camna pun.

... tapikan, nak tau satu rahsia tak? aku sedih tau.. bila pikir camni, aku sedih tau. Haha, benci kan orang cam aku ni? still tak sedar2 diri.

I want out.

Aku surrender.

i) I talk to myself (no, not just mumbling subconsciously.. I seriously converse with myself. Heck, sometimes we even argue with each other! o.O)

ii) I'm a manga/anime addict. ESPECIALLY if it's yaoi ^__^.

iii) I hate anything that has peanuts in it particularly peanut butter!

iv) I love milk! I don't care if it's fresh, flavored, skim, semi-skim as long as it's milk of some sort - I'll love it XD. I'm also in *heart* with cheese..Mmmm.. Pizza with extra cheese *drools*

v) I'm a very fussy eater. Everything has to be the right colors,smells,taste and cooked just right (to me).

vi) I'm very sensitive to smells.

vii) Despite being a naturally messy person, whenever I'm stressed or excited - I'll do a top to bottom room cleaning.

viii) I probably have the most imaginative, dramatic and curious mind on earth.

ix) I have a mild OCD.

x) My parents house is haunted (no, seriously!)

xi)I'm very accident-prone. My specialty is falling down the stairs T-T..

xii) According to my IQ test, I'm a genius. (lol..)

xiii)I love shiny stuffs- may it be silver, crystals (thus the name: Criztalinz), white gold, x-mas balls, shiny ribbons,prism, diamonds, bright lights ^__^.. I don't like normal, yellow gold though.

xiv)I've never been kiss <-- How sad was that?? T-T..

xv)Sometimes I got so tired of life, I thought of suicide but it was always "..just be stronger for a little while more" (see, that voice in me IS good for something ^^)..plus, I'm not that fond of pain ><.

xvi) My cat is my life! *points below* That's her. My baby girl ^x^.

This ballad was printed on a broadside by J. Deacon sometime between 1683 and 1700. It was printed as The Great Messenger of Mortality, or a Dialogue betwixt Death and a Lady. A broadside of the ballad appears in the Roxburghe Collection.
I wish I can upload the midi file online.. However, stupid Imeem won't accept it. Maybe coz it's midi and not mp3?? o.O..
First got to know 'bout this poem after I watched Criminal Minds (ABSOLUTELY brilliant series!! *adored Hotner/Reid @ Morgan/Reid pairing XD). One of the unsub (unknown subject a.k.a the criminal) wrote down a verse of the ballad at each crime scene.. but he only wrote the Death side of the dialogue.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

DEATH
'Fair Lady, throw those costly robes aside,
No longer may you glory in your pride;
Take leave of all your carnal vain delight,
I'm come to summon you away this night.'

LADY
'What bold attempt is this? Pray let me know
From whence you come, and whither I must go.
Shall I, who am a lady, stoop or bow
To such a pale-faced visage? Who art thou?'

D. 'Do you not know me? I will tell you then:
I am he that conquers all the sons of men,
No pitch of honour from my dart is free,
My name is Death! Have you not heard of me?'

L. 'Yes; I have heard of thee, time after time;
But, being in the glory of my prime,
I did not think you would have come so soon;
Why must my morning sun go down at noon?'

D. 'Talk not of noon! you may as well be mute;
There is no time at all for vain dispute,
Your riches, gold, and garments,jewels bright,
Your house, and land, must on new owners light.'

L. 'My heart is cold; it trembles at such news!
Here's bags of gold, if you will me excuse
And seize on those; and finish thou their strife,
Who wretched are, and weary of their life.

Are there not many bound in prison strong
In bitter grief? and souls that languish long,
Who could but find the grave a place of rest
From all their grief; by which they are opprest.

Besides there's many with a hoary head
And palsied joints; from whom all joy is fled
Release thou them whose sorrows are so great,
And spare my life until a later date!'

D. 'Though thy vain heart to riches is inclined
Yet thou must die and leave them all behind.
I come to none before their warrant's sealed,
And, when it is, they must submit, and yield.

Though some by age be full of grief and pain,
Till their appointed time they must remain;
I take no bribe, believe me,this is true.
Prepare yourself to go; I'm come for you.'

L. 'But if, oh! if you could for me obtain
A freedom, and a longer life to reign,
Fain would I stay, if thou my life wouldst spare.
I have a daughter, beautiful and fair,
I wish to see her wed, whom I adore;
Grant me but this, and I will ask no more?'

D. 'This is a slender frivolous excuse!
I have you fast! I will not let you loose!
Leave her to Providence, for you must go
Along with me, whether you will or no!

If Death commands the King to leave his crown
He at my feet must lay his sceptre down;
Then, if to Kings I do not favour give
But cut them off, can you expect to live
Beyond the limits of your time and space?
No! I must send you to another place.'

L. 'Ye learned doctors, now exert your skill,
And let not Death on me obtain his will!
Prepare your cordials, let me comfort find,
My gold shall fly like chaff before the wind!'

D. 'Forbear to call! that skill will never do;
They are but mortals here as well as you.
I give the fatal wound, my dart is sure,
And far beyond the doctors' skill to cure.

Flow freely you can let your riches fly
To purchase life, rather than yield and die!
But,while you flourished here with all your store,
You would not give one penny to the poor.

Though in God's name they sue to you did make
You would not spare one penny for His sake.
My Lord beheld wherein you did amiss,
And calls you hence, to give account of this!'

L. 'Oh! heavy news! must I no longer stay?
How shall I stand at the great Judgment Day?'
Down from her eyes the crystal tears did flow,
She says, 'None knows what I now undergo!

Upon my bed of sorrow here I lie!
My selfish life makes me afraid to die!
My sins are great, and manifold,and foul;
Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on my soul!

Alas! I do deserve a righteous frown!
Yet pardon, Lord, and pour a blessing down!'
Then with a dying sigh her heart did break,
And did the pleasures of this world forsake.

Thus may we see the mighty rise and fall,
For cruel Death shews no respect at all
To those of either high or low degree.
The great submit to Death as well as we.

Though they are gay, their life is but a span,
A lump of clay, so vile a creature's Man!
Then happy they whom God hath made his care,
And die in God, and ever happy are!

The grave's the market place where all must meet.
Both rich and poor, as well as small and great;
If life were merchandise, that gold could buy,
The rich would live -- only the poor would die.

"You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh." ~ Jay Leno
............

.. Man, some of these just make me ROFLOL! Some are stupid quotes (by hopefully-not-as-equally-stupid-but-I-doubt-it people) and some are just plain funny ^__^.
Have fun!

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
~ Alan Minter, Boxer. (okaayy.. I DON'T wanna know what kind of injury he DOES consider as serious o.O)

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
~ Alicia Silverstone, Actress. (I'm totally clueless of what she was trying to say T-T).

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
~ Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach. (Make up your mind coach!)

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
~ Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate. (er.. is there any other way??)

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
~ Charles De Gaulle, former French President. (..and France is a moderately size country, inhabited by many French.. wow! imagine that.. what a coincidence..! *smirk*)

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
~ Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President. (Really..?? 'coz when someone gave me a fish, I usually just fry them..)

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
~ Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman. (I'm actually scared to ask 'what about the rest?')

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
~ Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars. (...I feel sorry for the American people.. I honestly do. There are SO MANY intelligent American and somehow this guy was chosen to become VICE president??)

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
~ Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President. (I gave up! *throws hand*)

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
~ David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. (I just love politicians.. don't you?)

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
~ George Bush, former U.S. President. (Guess someone's having a little MPD problem.. (Multiple Personalities Disorder)

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
~ Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons. (er.. okaayy)

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
~ Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

"If only faces could talk..."
~ Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl. (...no comment..*shakes head*)

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
~ Paul Merton

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."
~ Stephen King.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
~ Steven Wright.

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."
~ Tenneva Jordan (This one is more of the 'aww..' quote than funny)

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
~ Jay Leno.